The Rambling Ever On Top Ten: Candy
We at Rambling Ever On are not immune to chocolaty decadence, nor are we safe from the siren call of fruity goodness. When candy of any form calls, weeeeeeeell, we hearken and obey. I tell you, son, we gots to have something for that old sweet tooth whenever it beckons. But we do have our favorites. And you know how it is with us, we’re obsessed with making rankings of our favorite stuff. So what we have here for you, my friends, is a list of not one, not two, not three or four, not even 11 or 12, but 10—10!—of our favorite delicacies in the candy kingdom. We hope that this pays adequate homage to what we consider the greatest sweet things of all time! (Ben Plunkett)
10. Reese’s Nutrageous
While they are certainly not as well-known as the other choices on our list, Nutrageous is a worthy addition and definitely belongs on any list of the best candies. Nutrageous combines the best elements of Payday, Twix, and Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups into one delicious candy experience. If you have never tried one please stop reading this and head to your nearest candy retailer immediately! (Michael Lytle)
9. Almond Joy
The name says it all. It has almonds. And joy. What more could you want? Oh, you want more? Ok. Fine. Well, it has chocolate. That’s pretty awesome by itself, but combined with almonds and we’re talking about a taste explosion. But that’s not it. Not even close. It also has coconut. Stop it, Almond Joy! It’s too much goodness. Almond Joy sees and hears our pleas, so it comes in two smaller sized bars in each package. You eat one, pass out in some sort of happiness-induced coma, wake up a few hours later–and then eat the other one. (Phill Lytle)
Yeah, Zero is a wonderful thing.
In fact, Zero is my hero!”
The ZERO candy bar is the oldest candy in our list (introduced in 1920) and remains, to this day, one of the most unique candy bars available. The name is derived from “cool as zero degrees.” It was marketed as a refreshing summer treat because its white fudge coating has a much higher melting point than the milk chocolate of most other candy bars. Underneath the delicious white fudge is a layer of caramel over a mixture of almond nougat and peanuts. The white fudge obviously makes the ZERO bar visually distinctive, but the almond flavor (a favorite secret ingredient in many of my grandmother’s dessert recipes) in the nougat is, in my opinion, what makes the ZERO bar the best tasting candy bar available.
“Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum, ad astra, forever and ever,
With zero, my hero, how wonderful you are.”1
Look, the commercials are insane and actually seem like they are trying to get people to NOT buy the product. Yet somehow, those little rainbow colored candies overcome that marketing stupidity and remain relevant and awesome. Chocolate wins the day in most of the Best Candy tournaments, and the market is flooded with more and more chocolate bars, candies and whatnot. But Skittles is brave enough to change the game. No chocolate. No nougat. No peanut butter. Only fruit flavors and copious amounts of sugar. Taste the rainbow indeed. (Skittles would like to remind everyone that one serving of Skittle contains 64% of your daily Vitamin C. Can you say “Health food”? No. No you can’t. Nice try though Skittles.) (Phill Lytle)
6. Kit Kat:
My wife working out six days a week, eating ‘clean’ and not nagging me has really improved the way I eat. However, I will never forget the look of horror on her face the first time I bought an eight pack of Kit Kats. It wasn’t that I purchased them so much as that I planned to eat all of them in one sitting. To paraphrase Brian Regan, I can eat Kit Kats by the sleeve. So when I feel the need to be given a break, I don’t reach for the football cream or the Fancy Feast. I reach for chocolate plus wafers plus Van Damme plus immaculate deliciousness. And most of my cohorts agree, making it one of our Top Ten candies of all time. (Gowdy Cannon)
5. Plain M&M’s
Maybe it is their small size, but these wonderful candies are often overlooked in favor of Peanut M&M’s. Let’s be honest, though, do we really want to promote a candy that contains an ingredient that can kill millions of Americans? From the extensive research we have done, nobody is allergic to Plain M&M’s. The simplicity of chocolate covered in a colorful candy coating is hard to top. If these are good enough for Tattoo on Fantasy Island, they are good enough for me. (Michael Lytle)
4. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
It is no coincidence that three of the top five candy bars in this list involve the beauteous fusion of chocolate and peanuts in some way. Peanuts and chocolate is the world’s best combo. Josh wrote his blurbs before me and stole the perfect analogy of marriage. He stole it from us, my precious. Blast! Marriage is a really great way to describe the holy union of chocolate and peanut. But it isn’t the only way. I shall liken it to the unity of body and soul with the subtle chocolate exterior being the body and the delicious peanut buttery innards being the soul. And also it is truly my soul mate. With RPBC by my side, my heart will go on. I absolutely love several other treats on this list, but I gotta be honest about that. (Ben Plunkett)
“They were all Twix!! It was a set up!!” And with those 9 words, George Costanza involved one of the greatest candies ever in one of the funniest TV moments ever. But make no mistake, Twix gets props on its own for its milk chocolate and caramel and being the only candy bar with the cookie crunch. My pastor regularly buys me Twix and leaves them in my mailbox at church, not just so he can quote Seinfeld, but because he knows I love them things. I love them so much he bought me three feet worth of them for Christmas! And I’m telling you, if I saw one dangling in the machine and I got myself a freebie, I’d totally take it. If it’s good enough for Kip, Ned, or Mo (short name), it’s good enough for me. (Gowdy Cannon)
2. Peanut M&M
Deep in the heartland of Georgia a farmer plucks a shell covered legume from a plant. The peanut; not a pea, nor a nut, it’s nature’s utility food. Far, far away in the Amazon basin a tree grows that bears a fruit full of seducing power. The cocoa bean; nature’s crack rock. These two are combined in many forms of matrimony, but none, none I say, are as pure and refined as that of the peanut being covered by a thin shell of chocolate. By the handful or by the bag, these snacks are so much more than just junk food. They’re the convergence of two great individual ingredients into one perfect marriage. (Josh Crowe)
I have already expressed my undying love for RPBC. However, there is no doubt in my mind that this is the classic of classics. It truly deserves this spot. And there is a reason this classic is at the apex of candy bar greatness. It is the royalty of chocolates, the king of candies, the duke of delicious, the knight of nougat. So graceful and refined is it that Mr. Pitt deigned to eat it with a knife and a fork. Yet it is so potent that it is reputed to possess eagle powers. One thing is undeniable: It truly satisfies. Plus it gives us an excuse to say nougat, itself one of the greatest words ever. Nougat. (Ben Plunkett)
- My Hero, Zero by Bob Dorough, performed by Schoolhouse Rock, appears on the album Multiplication Rock (1973) ↩
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23 thoughts on “The Rambling Ever On Top Ten: Candy”
The simplictic yet multifaceted Twizzler was forgotten. Saddening.
I voted for them to the death!!! There were serious accusations of it tasting rubbery.
Twizzlers are awful. Plastic. Waxy. If they had made the top 10, I wouldn’t have allowed this list to go public.
I checked the bracket. Out in the first round. To jawbreakers. Definitely polarizing.
Never liked them jawbreakers. Now I know why.
“The duke of delicious” has to be my favorite part of this scrumptious article.
I would give a finger for Butterfinger to have made this list. Kidding! I totally wouldn’t. I do wish it was on there, though. I mourn its passing. It had true grit.
Snickers – it got me through three pregnacies back in the day. It will always be my friend.
Evidently, this obsession with Snickers started really young for three of us.
It’s definitely a pregnant thought.
For the record – I love KitKats….but what I saw that day I will never be able to forget….
KitKat is the only one that has a song.
Wow. I’m so glad you guys do these writings. I’m learning so much about my husband. We’ve only been married 18 years and I’ve NEVER EVER seen him consume a nutrageous candy bar or talk about it and for him to write all those intimate details. I guess one never truly knows everything about their spouse.
After tasting one for the first time last night, I hope you realize how great they are and how appropriate my comments were.
I still think Skittles should have been higher on the list – top 5 for sure. And don’t get me started on how overrated Peanut M&M’s are!
The moment Nathan broke the 4-4 tie between RPBC and Peanut m&ms was one of the most memorable.
PayDay … ’nuff said.
And from France: Les Pyrénéens, a melt-in-your mouth not overly sweet milk chocolate that is like drinking chocolate once you put it in your mouth. Only available during Christmastime: https://www.amazon.com/Lindt-Pyreneens-Milk-Chocolates-Box/dp/B00PC172I0
Well, according to the Amazon description, “The thrill of chocolate will sure make you shiver!”
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I once had a Snickers that tasted like raisins.