COVID-19 Special Report: Five Things That Are Not Cancelled
We live in uncertain times. It’s a scary world if you step outside your front door. Or, it might be fine. We aren’t sure. Actually, we know there is something (COVID-19) happening but we have no idea how serious it is. It could be really bad. Or not. Who knows?
That’s not the point. The point, in this topsy-turvy world, is that this new Coronavirus (COVID-19) scare is causing all sorts of things to get cancelled. If you are a sports’ fan (we are) this is a pretty depressing time. The NBA, NHL, NCAA have all postponed games indefinitely. MLB has pushed things back by a few weeks. The NFL is rescheduling league meetings. MLS did something but no one really cares about the MLS…so whatever.
It’s not just sports that are getting cancelled. Concerts are postponed. Movie releases are being delayed. (“A Quiet Place Part II”…sad face!) It feels as if the whole world is assessing the risks of large gatherings and doing what they can to combat the spread of the virus.
Even so, there are few things which have not been cancelled. Unfortunately, we aren’t sure if this is a good thing. But, in the interest of fairness, we figured we should shine the light on these brave (foolish?) souls who will do what they always do no matter the risk.
1. Jim Bob’s 18th Annual Fish Fry
Jim Bob has been hosting this fish fry for the last 18 years and it gets more popular by the year. When we asked Jim Bob if it was a good idea to have a large gathering in his home with all the virus fears, he confidently replied, “Ain’t no virus gonna keep me from busting out my Fry Daddy Extreme!” Jim Bob proceeded to shotgun a tall boy, rip off his shirt, and slap his missus on the rear end. Good times for everyone.
Jim Bob did mention that they are taking a few precautions which should put everyone’s mind at ease. First, they have approximately 300 rolls of toilet paper they purchased at Sam’s Club throughout the last few weeks and they believe that will “square them away” for a good long while. Second, there will be enough beer (“None of that dang Corona!” – according to Jim Bob) and hard liquor to kill even the most stubborn virus. “Those little coronas won’t know what hit ‘em! We’re fixin’ to nuke ‘em something good.”
2. Karen’s Book and Wine Club (Who are we kidding? We don’t read the books. We drink a lot and gossip about our friends who didn’t show up to the meeting.)
This month, they are reading, “Girl, Wash Your Hands For 20 Seconds!” in preparation for the Coronavirus (COVID-19). They will also be sharing their favorite essential oil blends and ideas on how to combat the “pesky little virus.” – Karen’s words.
3. Partisan Politics
There is no way this is getting cancelled by a virus. Not a chance. Our beloved politicians won’t even accidentally work in a bipartisan manner to help combat the Coronavirus (COVID-19) . Partisan politics might be the most powerful force on earth.
4. Free Will Baptist Feet Washing Services
This long-held tradition for some churches will not be bullied by a virus or bad theology. To be fair, Purell will be used to wash the feet of the Saints, so it’s completely sanitary. In fact, there will be so much hand (feet) sanitizer in use that it would be a shock if a virus could survive anywhere within a 5 mile radius of the service. Check with your local Free Will Baptist church for service times and your Bible for why feet washing is completely Biblical. (Shout out to Allen P. for inspiring this idea.)
5. Extreme Reactions
Just visit your social media platform of choice and spend about 10 minutes reading all the responses. When you are done, wash your eyes and your brain with Purell and then burn your electronic device so you never have to go through that horrible experience again.
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