This is real. 100% sincere. No condescension and no back-handed compliments. I love Taco Bell. I can unequivocally and without hesitation declare that it is hands-down my favorite fast-food restaurant.
I can feel the disgust and rage headed my way. That’s okay. I can take your slings and arrows. I don’t need your approval and the Bell certainly doesn’t.
What’s not to love? Insert all your jokes right here. I’ll wait.
Did you get them all out of your system? Good. Now it’s my turn.
The King of Affordable Feasting
I am a father to three boys. They, too, love Taco Bell. They range in age from 12-18, with the 12-year-old eating as much as his older brothers. Feeding these three takes money and savvy. That’s where Taco Bell comes in. There is no other restaurant whose food we enjoy that is as affordable. Their value menu is a thing of beauty! You can easily fill up three hungry young men for under $20. Believe me, that is a big deal when you are on a budget. The Bell sees our needs and magnanimously meets our needs!
Plus, is there a better deal in fast food land than Taco Bell’s $5 Cravings Box? No. There isn’t.
The Lack of Pretention
Taco Bell hasn’t fallen into the trap that so many other fast-food places have. They are true to who they are – affordable and tasty fast food. They don’t pretend to be trendy, cool, healthy, or anything else like that. Too many other fast-food restaurants are having identity crises, unable to figure out who they are and why they exist. (I’m looking at you Wendy’s.) Taco Bell embraces its identity. Nay, it smothers its identity in delicious nacho cheese!
The Food, Oh the Food!
This is likely where I will lose some of you if you haven’t already jumped ship in total dismay. I love Taco Bell’s food. No caveats. No conditions. I love their cheap stuff. I love their higher-priced items. And, don’t get me started on their breakfast options! There is no better breakfast item than their Breakfast Steak Crunchwrap. There isn’t so stop arguing because you are embarrassing yourself in front of everyone.
Yes, Taco Bell’s food is basically some combination of their meat, nacho cheese, and a few other ingredients. That’s just fine by me because I love all of those things. And their ingenious combinations of ingredients, shells, chips, or whatever is just the icing on the cake. Give me a Chalupa, Nachos Bell Grande, Quesarito, or give me death! (JK! I love Taco Bell but even I have my limits.)
A Brief Word about Tummy Aches
I would like to address the elephant in the room. I have heard rumors of people experiencing gastrointestinal discomfort after eating Taco Bell. Poor souls. I have never experienced that so I can’t really speak to it. My working theory is that those who experience tummy aches after consuming wonderfully delicious Taco Bell food are simply too weak-willed to appreciate the bounty that has been laid before them. It’s their loss and our gain.
So ends my ode to Taco Bell. I hope it is accepted in the spirit in which it has been written: To celebrate the awesomeness of Taco Bell and to mock everyone who dislikes it! Your foolishness knows no bounds and you deserve all the mockery and scorn I can summon. For those of you who are true believers, such as myself, let us celebrate together in one voice. Let us all raise a nacho cheese-covered chip in honor of the greatest fast food in the world. To Taco Bell! May it live forever!